No one is better at being you, than you. There are so many quotes and sayings that say this and it really is true. In the battle of anxiety over sanity, feeling like you have to be what people expect only make you feel worse.
It is in our nature to want to be social and apart of a group, but its not worth it at the cost of being who you are. If you have to change how you behave and talk and think then it becomes more toxic than beneficial.
It is a natural feeling to want to fit in and be accepted. We are looking for validation, approval, and acceptance for others, and without it we get anxious and try to change ourselves to fit into the box that these other people will accept. I have tried to do it numerous times in a couple of workplaces and I just ended up becoming an anxious mess because it wasnt who I was and nothing felt right.
That anxiety stopped me from being able to do my best at my jobs and then I became more insecure because the feeling of not feeling good enough only grew. This couples with the peer pressure we feel, no matter what age we are. The younger we are the more damaging it is as it reinforces a behaviour that we need validation from others in order to feel successful and to have self confidence and self esteem.
Working so hard to be what you think others need you to be, is absolutely exhausting. I find when exhaustion kicks in, its easier for anxiety to take over. When you feel this pressure from all these external angles, you lose what matters in your own personality and individuality.
Gaining someone’s approval can give you short term satisfaction and esteem, but looking externally is only short term. If you push yourself to seek other people’s approval too much, it will become a habit and you will be exhausted chasing this boost in esteem constantly.
Life is too short chasing people’s approval and not being happy. There are always things to do, there are always reasons to be busy and at some stage you need to make an active choice that doing the things that make YOU happy is far more important than making everyone else happy.
When I started to work harder on not worrying about what people thought of me (which still flares up occasionally), life and experiences became happier and more value to me. When I put my focus into staying true to myself, every experience I have had has become more enriching.
Be proud of what makes you different. My anxiety makes me react and see the world differently. And that is where this business, and this blog and my drive to learn and teach mindfulness has developed.
It’s important, too, to have the right people around you. Find your tribe. I have a great partner and great friends that keep me grounded. I used to think I needed lots of friends. But now, I may only have few people in my life but they’re incredibly high quality and absolutely treasured. The right people will remind you that you are unique, special, worthwhile and the best version of you just as you are.